February 2012
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can’t sleep again … elma stuckey & napa valley submissions are due thurs and I need poetry therapy. though that’s not really why I’m not sleeping.
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also, I tried that DIY candle with a grapefruit this morning and it DIDN’T WORK. bahh. I’m not sure if it was the grapefruit, or if the olive oil really has to be 100% extra virgin. help a girl out!
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ummm, I was counting on counseling today (because I’m supposed to see her every other week) but my therapist doesn’t have me scheduled until March 5th … and I was kind of hoping to discuss my anxiety attack. but I guess I have to figure it out on my own. which means to distract myself for the moment, I’m going to make kiwi cake & pierogis. I promise pictures later.
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sitting in this green butterfly cubicle is making me feel claustrophobic. I need to get out of here. like, now. (but can’t til 3). hurry up please, it’s time.
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friday night fail.
oh. my. god. I can’t even pull off f’s w/ b’s! it doesn’t work when you don’t hear from the other person! this is the first time he’s never answered me back. sure his phone could have died or he could be busy or whatever but, idk… my anxiety attack at his place last weekend was really intense.
I texted him and a few other friends before / during the open...
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I’m going to an open mic tonight at a tea lounge in Lakeview / Lincoln Park. but I also want to hit the bars & see what DePaul guy is up to. so I’m going to pull out the classy lacy top— which I feel good in— but isn’t appropriate at all for the open mic. I thought about changing, but when I walked out of my room one of my male roommates said, “you look...
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Jean Rhys
I’m preparing myself for an extended period of lonliness
That will begin very soon I think
I’ve illegally downloaded two new depressing songs
I’ve placed a copy of Good Morning, Midnight under my
pillow for easy reference
I’ve printed out the tablature for every Morrisey song I
know so I can sing them to myself
Alone in my room
Just a few things are needed really
To make me...
Anonymous asked: "Wait for the sign, then all prisoners shall be released. They will all perish in flames..." :)
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this is what happened over the last two days: my hard drive crashed & and I decided that DePaul guy & I should definitely be f’s w/ b’s— because hey, I might not meet my ‘true’ love until I’m like… 50. so I don’t want to regret not making out (to say the least) with hot/funny lacrosse player. there are so many other reasons, but this one...
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omg. they think I’m the “hey, wanna mess around?” kind of girl. we didn’t. but. what. idk.
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CURSE THE TIME.
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“I’ll mold my love for you: I can’t say over the telephone what I...”
– —Don Quixote, Kathy Acker
I absolutely love this. this is my new favorite book & this quote is basically the dirty version of the Vonnegut quote I love so much from Slaughterhouse V, “It is just an illusion here on Earth that one moment follows another one, like beads on a string, and...
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instead of going to a grad party, I stayed home...
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aww I’m a little drunk but he’s actually really cute. and has an accent. and walked me to the el. and we’re going to hang out more. I guess I did have a valentine even though it wasn’t an official date. and now I’m hungry.
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remember my list of potential Valentine's and how...
well. he didn’t ask me out. but he did text me at work for a while. after asking him if he had plans and telling him mine he said, “if u got nothin better to do go to the [insert bar in chicago here]” soo… why not! new friends. drinks. whatever. my positive vibes made this happen. fun times. but ugh, what do I wear?
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I CELEBRATE MYSELF (Walt Whitman) / potential...
-Sufjan Stevens
-Ryan Gosling
-Prince Royce
-DePaul guy that still hasn’t asked me out for drinks
-my cat
whatever. still going to eat chocolate in sexy clothes and drink fancy drinks because I appreciate myself, my single-ness, and everyone currently in my life. love.
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“Love is not breathlessness; It is not excitement; It is not the promulgation of...”
– Louis de Bernières (via misswallflower)
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things
I’ve been freezing all day and took a 4 hr nap after work. being a girl and watching love movie marathons on TV with my cat, eating a grapefruit and a brownie. (currently: sex & the city, the movie) why am I doing this? I need better friends.
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Pouring Milk Away
Here, again. A smell of dying in the milk-pale carton.
And nothing then but pour the milk away.
More of the small and killed, the child’s, wasted,
Little white arch of the drink and taste of day.
Spoiled, gone and forgotten; thrown away.
Day after day I do what I condemned in countries.
Look, the horror, the waste of food and bone.
You will know why when you have lived alone. ...
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ohmygod I’m going to be in a video on Columbia’s website (which will also be in Manifest) for the poetry department. meaning any time someone looks at our program, they’ll see a video. of me. and my professor. talking. about… things.